"Gym dudes"

I love "gym guys". Not like, love in a physical way (sorry, I just love women), but in an "I cannot believe you act like that" way and that people like you exist and actually function in this world. Sort of like when I say that I love the

Allow me to explain. You first notice a gym guy at the gym (durp). Gym guys wear extensive gym clothing, usually including (but not limited to) weightlifting gloves, brand new shorts (I have used the same shorts for 7 or 8 years, they don't wear out, trust me), some sort of synthetic gym shirt (UnderArmor is a definite red flag), and always an iPod, almost always strapped to their arms, something else I never understood. I mean, sure if you're running it makes sense, but if you're straining your arms, wouldn't you worry about the strap stretching? Or cutting off circulation?

Anyways, now that the image is in your head, the defining characteristic of the gym guy is the grunting and heavy breathing during weightlifting. This can be guttural, animalistic, and borders on downright sexual for some of the extreme cases. I sometimes think to myself "really, who is having sex on the gym floor right now in front of everyone?" when I realize it's only a gym dude doing squats.

So there's your gym guy. So what inspired this post? Why do I love these guys? It's the non-exercise behaviors that they frequently exhibit.

For instance, yesterday, as I was taking a leak prior to working out, I thought the guy next to me was bench pressing in the stall. I know guys are known for audible urination, and acknowledging aloud the force and intensity of their pissing, but this was absurd. A grunt to unzip, a deep breath before preparing, and the exhale to finish. It was a science.

I ran into this same guy as I was showering up after the workout. Grunts and deep breathing while combing his hair, and even when using a q-tip to clean out the ears.

I only hope he's a computer programmer like me, and somewhere today is letting a grunt of joy out as he fixes a bug that's been in his code for a while.