Change

We all have those times where we simply know we need a change. Maybe a career change. Maybe a geographic change. Maybe a change in diet. Maybe a change in attitude. Maybe a change in the company we keep. Maybe a change in our lifestyle. Maybe a change in our wardrobe. Maybe a change in our social behaviors. Change period.

For some things, it's quite obvious what the change is. You're getting a little rounder, you need a change in diet. Your shoes have worn through to the soles and your wallet keeps falling out of holes in your jeans pocket, you need new clothes. These are easy. There is essentially no debating what the remedy is, or even debating the fact that change is required. Done. No arguments. If you don't go through with the change, you just look like an ignorant or stubborn jackass. These aren't really changes. You are just fixing what is broken.

True change is different. It's a different feeling, for me anyways. You just know when you need it. There's a lingering feeling, that maybe something isn't quite right. I know that this feeling exists because of the exact opposite, when every single thing in life (as it seems anyways) is just going perfectly, you have not a care in the world, and walk around in a general state of euphoria, glad to be alive, no matter what you are doing.

People sometimes accuse me of being overly optimistic in life, but these moments of life's perfection can and do exist. It doesn't mean the person is perfect, it doesn't mean that life is truly perfect, but that you are entirely satisfied with the way things are at some certain time, you're not worrying about having to be/do/say/become something else. You just exist, and that's more than enough for you. This is my heaven essentially, when I'm lucky enough to get into one of those phases.

I mention this perfection feeling because it's the crux of the issue here. You can't have good without evil, yin without yang, all that shit. It's certainly a necessary balance. If you didn't go through those phases, life would be too easy, and no one would improve or make a difference. It'd get old pretty quick. But when this aura of perceived perfection suddenly dissipates, you get a bit stir crazy. On to change.

Actually, I don't want to call it change, because that to me sounds like something is "wrong" in the first place. So maybe I'm not talking about change really. It's more of an adjustment you need. Not like when baseball players adjust themselves before they bat. It has a little more import.

Sadly, this "adjustment" usually has no obvious fix. For me, there is rarely a single issue that I can pinpoint as needing attention. Sure I go through bad spells with work, but they happen in cycles, and I know things will calm down, so I never REALLY want to change jobs. I say I do, I feel like maybe I should, but I know I won't.

So there are now 3 levels of change:

1. The obvious. You change.
2. The obvious yet cyclical. Things will just get better.
3. The not quite right. Something needs to give. But what?

This 3rd one is what has been bothering me a bit lately. Right here right now (awful song), I can say I'm in one of those happy happy joy joy moods, so I am not biased about what might currently be bothering me.

So how does one go about figuring out what's really bothering them, what's making them itch, what needs tweaking?

I say trying to figure these sorts of things out can drive one insane, and lead to nothing other than a worse-off feeling than before. So I don't try to figure these things out. I just do a little something, and I feel like a new person, so I can have a clean slate for a while.

For example, my current status of happy happy joy joy can be attributed to the simple act of removing a button (brooch?) from my man-purse. Sounds stupid right? Think again!

Part of the problem of thinking you need adjustment is the monotony of life. Certain parts of life. I bought this pin the 2nd day I lived in New York, and it has ridden with me ever since. That pin has seen a ton of great/OK/bad/shitty/decent/comme ci comme ca moments, but I suddenly had the urge to get rid of it. So I did. And you know what? It was quite invigorating!

This has probably left you very disappointed, especially if you were waiting for me to espouse on the meaning of life, and come up with some Tony Robbins shit on how to make your life better. My advice for today is change something, just a little something, and keep yourself focused on keeping life fresh, and hopefully the things that REALLY matter will resolve themselves without you having to wreck your brain and life while obsessing about them.

This could be the largest pile of dung I've ever written. I'm totally fine with that though. It was an enlightening poo for me.